Not Your Grandma’s Sewing Guide



Learn the how, where, when, and ‘What the f**k?!’ of sewing basic garments. This isn’t sewing like grandma used to do. Grab a bottle of wine and get in a position to cut corners and curse your way through this beginner’s guide to stitchery.

You’ll find the basics of the use of a sewing machine, insight into patterns and pattern-making, and the entire easiest odds and ends to include in your own garment creations. This guide provides concise, step by step instructions that will help you conquer your creativity without the Xanax and crying in the corner. Time-saving tips and where to skip the fuss make this a great guide for people with a variety of f***s to give.

A few topics covered include:

  • Tools to get your a** in gear 
  • Basic stitches, seams, and hems  
  • Tips on purchasing fabric 
  • The lazy man’s road to zippers, buttons, pleats, pockets, darts, and more 
  • Pattern examples and instructions for all basic garments (tops, shorts, dresses, and so on) 

Pop the cork and let’s go.


Disclaimer: The language used in this text will not be appropriate for users under the age of 18. There is an alternative ‘Clean as Heck’ version to be had that uses fun and funny substitute curse words more suited for younger readers. 

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